A little humor for your next briefing. Taken from PoliceOne – http://www.policeone.com/police-jobs-and-careers/articles/6064017-15-signs-youre-Retired-on-Duty/
You may be retired on duty if:
1.) Your personal squad check regimen is to disconnect the GPS, turn off your radar, turn on your favorite FM station, and set your computer to your personal Facebook page. You are able to perform these tasks one handed and with more admirable smoothness than a firearms instructor demonstrating a tactical reload.
2.) Your first stop of every shift is at Flo’s Diner for the six-egg omelet with extra cheese. This does not preclude you from enjoying a lunch break in a few hours, because you call it in as a “Community Policing” stop.
3.) Your second call of the day is from nature, and your back up is the Bass Fisherman’s Quarterly. This operation takes longer to finish than the six-egg omelet.
4.) You consider it a “Terry Stop,” when you pull into the gas-n-go, where your buddy Terry is working the counter. Terry allows for unlimited free coffee and soda. You stay only long enough to drain, re-fill, and drain your bladder again. You log in another “Community Policing” stop.
5.) Your day-off calendar has your scheduled days off circled and the adjacent day you plan on calling in sick each month squared. You square them because you say, “A square has four sides and it’s four times as much fun to be off when you are not supposed to be.” You have more spare TASER cartridges on your belt than accumulated sick days.
6.) You set your squad on cruise to respond to hot calls. This is not to insure that you arrive safely, but second.
7.) You deliberately tie yourself up and dawdle on minor calls while “Rome is burning.”
8.) At every evaluation your Sergeant asks, “What are you doing out there?” and you reply, “Suppressing terrorism.” The Sergeant counters, “We have never had a terrorist attack in this town.” You respond, “See. It’s working.” You leave chuckling to yourself while thinking “This never gets old.” Your Sergeant takes three chewable antacids and says, “This is getting old.”
9.) Instead of counting sheep to get to sleep you count the saps on the PD who work hard and get paid the same as you. This technique puts you right to sleep every time. Then your alarm sounds and it is time to maneuver your squad car out of the cemetery to end your shift on time.
10.) Your personal goal is to never make more arrests in a month than your hat size and you wish you had a smaller head.
11.) Your squad has become a portable drive-up window. You never exit the squad to make contacts. You park and make people approach you. When someone asks you to do anything you sarcastically reply, “Do you want fries with that?”
12.) Your mantra is, “A good cop never gets cold, wet, or hungry,” and you believe you are a good cop, because you don’t.
13.) You have been counting down the days to retirement for 13 and one half years and you still have five years six months 22 days, four hours, and six minutes left to go.
14.) You are line supervisor that is always the last to arrive at a bad scene (if at all), but the first to accept credit when it goes well. When it goes badly you are a master at assessing blame and avoiding responsibility.
15.) You have done all of the above and have still been promoted to become an administrator, who walks about the building carrying a sheet of paper in your hand going no place in particular. You are one of the highest paid people on the department yet no one on the department can explain what it is that you do, including you. You are not just a ROD, but the Yoda of RODs.
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